Comments on: Discipline and the Special-Needs Toddler

By: Leticia Velasquez

Leticia Velasquez — Thu, 08 Feb 2007 22:46:21 +0000

Lissa, you are impressing me with your persistence in getting wonder boy to ‘use his words’, considering all the stresses in your life! My Christina, has Down Syndrome, and is the most strong willed four-year-old I’ve met,(and I used to own a daycare).
I haven’t yet managed to potty train her; I think it’s more her lack of cooperativeness than developmental issues. She just says,”NO!”
She CAN speak when so inclined, for example her absolute favorite phase is a crystal clear, “I don’t want to!” but do you think that “yes” is in her vocabulary?
Therapists are full of helpful suggestions that are only possible to implement in small families with one child at home, and LOTS of ‘free’ time. I constantly struggle with guilt about her wasting away in my home and not reaching her full potential (as her therapists hint that she is) UNTIL, I overhear a conversation she’s having with her sister Isabella, age 9 while they’re involved in a make-believe game. Or I see her snuggle into my teernager Gabby’s loving arms to caress her face, or see her leap off the coffee table into Daddy’s arms. These are things I didn’t see in the special needs preschool she attended for a year, making no faster progress than she did with therapists at home.
One more thing: in my daycare we had a speech delayed toddler who understood Spanish(her mother had pushed the wax into her ears,while cleaning them, making her hard of hearing!) The speech therapist came, speaking Spanish, arms loaded with wonderful toys to stimulate language development. One year later, Nancy tested normal in speech, and hasn’t stopped talking since; in English! Apparently the other children and I had taught her English by merely including her in our routine acitivities. Surprise!

By: Flea

Flea — Sun, 10 Sep 2006 11:47:36 +0000

I’m still waiting to meet the first child who does not respond positively to the following three things:

1. Being praised extravagantly when he does well.
2. Being scolded swiftly and certainly when he does wrong, and
3. Being told early and often that you love them.

That goes for kids with all kinds of abilities.

best,

Flea

By: helene

helene — Tue, 29 Aug 2006 21:30:08 +0000

That previous post by Karen E. is a wonderful one!

By: jeanette1ca

jeanette1ca — Tue, 29 Aug 2006 20:52:36 +0000

I’ve used this example often to demonstrate the difficulties in determining whether a child’s behavior is caused by disability, age or attitude. One of my daughter’s disabilities was that she she could only interpret one instruction at a time. She could hear fine - the brain just didn’t interpret what she was hearing. So I would say to her “Close the door and come here.” And she would close the door as she went on outside. Did she only “get” the part of the instruction about “Close the door.”? Or did she just do a typical kid thing, and figure once she was outside, I wasn’t going to get up and come after her. Or was she deliberately trying to upset me because she was angry at me at the time. And would your answer be different if I told you she was 3 or 7 or 11 or 15 years old at the time?

Where’s the training/troubleshooting manual when you need it??

By: prov31wisemom

prov31wisemom — Mon, 28 Aug 2006 20:22:51 +0000

I think you’re doing absolutely wonderfuly with wonder boy, and as with all toddlers (but especially those with unique abilites) being consistent in your instruction to “use your words” is always hard. Try not to be too hard on yourself…remember everything is always more trying/exhausting when DH is gone. I honestly don’t know how you are surviving! I’m so lucky I didn’t have to be seperated before our move as long as you and your DH have been! Good luck, God Bless, and best wishes!

By: coffeemamma

coffeemamma — Mon, 28 Aug 2006 15:21:17 +0000

Our 11yo daughter is mildly autistic, and the youngest (5 1/2) is legally blind.
With the 11yo, consistency was (and is) the key- guess how many times we’ve fallen down on that one? But our one Big Family Rule did not change for her- no rudeness, ever, to anyone, for any reason. Since she didn’t know that not answering someone was rude, or that avoiding eye contact was rude, she had to work harder at social manners, but it also means that she will be able to get along in society without people thinking she’s a weirdo.
The youngest was a bigger challenge. On top of having 16 surgeries before she was a year and a half old, she has a very stubborn personality (and she’s the baby of the family). She did not want to explore on her own or use her remaining vision al all- in fact if we didn’t pick her up and cart her around she would curl up in a ball on the floor and take a nap Why try to find your favourite toy when you can holler for it and an obliging sibling will come running? It took a whole lotta REPETITION before she finally clued in that with a little effort she could manage simple tasks on her own. Now? She plays hockey a year above her age level, rides a bike, draws and paints beautifully ,knits, etc, etc…

It sounds to me like you’ve already figured out how to approach training your Wonderboy, just like we had to figure it out with our two Wondergirls. Even if you know of another parent who has raised a child with the same challenges as yours, their advice/ methods/ priorities may not work for you or your particular child. “Your individual mileage may vary” and all that

By: Bridget Galbraith

Bridget Galbraith — Mon, 28 Aug 2006 11:21:35 +0000

This isn’t really helpful, just an amusing anecdote.

My youngest sister has multiple impairments. When she was three, she went through a stage where she refused to wheel her chair over a wide, rather high flooring strip between two rooms. She would just park there until someone came along and pushed her through.

She had the sweetest temperament and had navigated over rougher terrain than this. But for some reason she refused to wheel her chair over this little ’speed bump’.

Finally my mother decided this was enough silliness and gave her a little hand slap. We all cried. My little sister cried, my mom cried, we older girls cried. It was just pathetic.

But she went over that hump with ease and never had a problem with it again.

My mom still gets emotional when she tells that story.