May 29, 2007 @ 10:51 pm | Filed under: Uncategorized
Danielle Bean is as smart as she is funny, which is to say: very. Her popular blog is a treasure trove of hilarious kid stories and practical parenting advice. She writes with a candor and warmth that makes you feel like you’re relaxing at her kitchen table with a glass of lemonade in front of you and a toddler in your lap. You want to stretch out your legs, reach for a cookie, and stay all afternoon.
Danielle’s new book, Mom to Mom, Day to Day: Advice and Support for Catholic Living, is full of that same combination of warmth and wisdom. I had the great pleasure recently of interviewing Danielle about the book, writing, and other subjects (including, of course, blogging). It’s a long conversation, so click the link at the bottom to read the whole thing.
In the preface of
Mom to Mom, you mention that the book grew out of questions sent to
you by readers of your blog. Can you share more about what prompted
you to continue the dialogue in book form?
I started to realize
that I was getting many of the same kinds of questions from readers
over and over again. Moms in general, and Catholic moms in
particular, seemed to struggle with similar kinds of issues. I
started out trying to, but I pretty soon realized that I was never
going to be able to answer every email question adequately. I decided
that a book might be a good way to go “on record” with my
responses to some of the most common questions. Moms are talkers —
communicators extraordinaire — and I think we all can benefit
from bouncing ideas back and forth and coming together to share
thoughts and experiences. Mom to Mom is an attempt at that
kind of sharing in book form.
Your thoughts on
the division of housework ("Splitting Housework, Splitting
Hairs") might surprise many readers. The idea of a modern wife
assuming responsibility for all household chores, and looking upon
her husband’s contribution as a favor rather than "his
share"—this is not a message we’re hearing much nowadays. Have
you had much response to that section of the book? (My favorite part,
by the way.)
I really did expect some negativity, but the
response to that chapter has so far been overwhelmingly positive.
It’s crazy, but for some women, their self esteem has gotten
caught up in so-called “fairness,” a perfect 50/50 split,
and keeping score when it comes to household chores. Why are things
like vacuuming and scrubbing the toilet the only things that “count”
as a household contributions? Isn’t paying the bills a major
household contribution? Such unrealistic notions can turn any happy
woman into a bitter, angry, unhappy wife.
I had one woman tell me
that she felt “relieved” to read that chapter because she
realized that she need not feel like a doormat just because her
husband was not much of a help around the house. She felt pressured
by her friends to expect him to contribute more. Imagine that! She
was “enslaved” by the idea that her husband wasn’t
doing “his fair share” and after reading that chapter she
felt free to take on the housework all by herself. Talk about
liberation! It’s enough to make a 1960s-style feminist’s
head spin.
My readers are
always interested in knowing how I manage to squeeze writing time
into my busy day. Can you tell us about your work schedule?
Schedule? What’s
a schedule?
Just kidding, of
course. Sort of. I am not a rigorously scheduled kind of person, but
we do follow some routines around here. I go through phases
where I write up and enforce really strict schedules for school,
chores, meals, and work. I tend to do this when I feel desperate,
like when I have newborn or in the first trimester of pregnancy where
I am so sick I can’t see straight. Most of the time, though, we
follow looser routines and I work whenever I can.
We do most of our
sit-down schooling in the morning and my husband is able to be home
for some of that time and he frees me up a bit. I reserve afternoons
for more independent schoolwork and reading. Between that and naps, I
usually manage to find a bit of time there too. But then afternoons
also tend to be when we schedule things like doctor’s
appointments, baseball, and other time-sucking, energy-sapping
extracurricular activities. In the end, evenings and weekends wind up
being when I get the bulk of my work done. It helps to be flexible
and it really helps to have my husband. Dan is supportive of
everything I do and makes every bit of it possible.
You’re the editor of
Faith & Family magazine. Can you tell us a little bit about what
that’s like, what your job entails, how much time it takes, how you
fit it into family life?
Working at Faith &
Family has been such a blessing to me in so many ways. I get to
work with writers and editors — my favorite people! — and
I help produce a product that I think is really fabulous. As a
freelancer, I have always been a bit of a magazine junkie. I love
women’s magazines and their focus on home and family, but I
hate the materialism, feminism, and other “garbage” that
gets sprinkled here and there in most of the newsstand mags. Faith
& Family is the perfect blend of everything I love and care
about as a Catholic wife and mother — marriage, parenting,
spirituality, and help for homemaking — all in one beautiful
package.
As for the time it
takes, that can vary week to week. I do find that I have precious
little time left over for other projects since taking on this
position. That’s been okay with me, though. Freelancing can be
exhausting and this gives my work focus.
How did you get
your start as a writer?
I just did it. That
sounds simplistic, but it really is true. I had always wanted to
write, but I didn’t know much about how to go about it and kept
hesitating. Then one day I realized that I could stay in that
hesitating mode forever, or I could just do it. So I did do it. I
researched freelancing and I plugged away at various projects. I ran
into rejection at certain places and would re-work my stuff and send
it somewhere else. Eventually I found some success that way. And each
tiny bit of success opens new doors for you … an editor you
get to know at one magazine or a published clip you can attach to
your next article query all help you get another assignment.
It is work,
though. I don’t think people see that so much from the outside.
I sometimes get emails from wannabe writers who seem to be looking
for some magic formula for finding success as a writer. But the only
magic formula is this: Get yourself to the library, to the web, or to
Amazon.com. Find out how publishing works, research the markets, and
then … get to work!
Who are your
favorite authors? How much pleasure reading are you able to do, and
what books are in your to-be-read pile?
I love classic
literature, but I have had no time whatsoever for “heavy”
reading for many years now. I seriously do almost all of my book
reading while standing at the kitchen counter pouring juice and
handing out sandwiches.
These days I tend to
read non-fiction. I love stuff that makes me laugh or makes me cry.
For funny writing, Erma Bombeck is my all-time favorite, but I enjoy
others too. I just finished reading I Feel bad About My Neck: And
Other Thoughts on Being a Woman by Nora Ephron. She and I are on
opposite ends of the political spectrum, but I laughed so hard I
cried. She is hilarious. I also just finished reading Kabul Beauty
School: An American Woman Goes Behind the Veil by Deborah
Rodriguez. That would be in the “makes me cry” category.
It’s the amazing story of an American hairdresser who moves to
Afghanistan and sets up a beauty school as a means of teaching women
a trade and helping them improve their lives. The descriptions of the
sufferings of the Afghan people, and Afghan women in particular, were
a real eye opener. Love in the Little Things by Mike Aquilina
is in my to-be-read pile. It sounds like good family humor and
inspiration — I love that a man has written such a book.
Do you read
other blogs?
I do. I used to read a
lot more, but I have cut way back on my daily online reading. However
much I enjoy it, it’s just too time-consuming for me. I read a
few favorites every day and a dozen or so others I check in on once a
week or so. I love that there has been a proliferation of
family-oriented blogs, but I just don’t have time to keep up
with all of them. Besides, one of the perks of my own blogging is
that readers often send me links to blog posts or news items they
think might interest me. I love that — it’s like I have
volunteers doing work and research just for me!
What
do your children think about your blog? Do any of them read it?
My kids love my blog —
it’s all about them, right? The other day, though, I overheard
my oldest tell one of her brothers, “You can’t do
anything embarrassing around here or Mama will blog it!” I try
to avoid revealing anything too embarrassing, though. My kids
do have a right to privacy, after all. Especially the older ones.
They read my blog every day, but I tend not to write about them so
much — their private experiences are really not appropriate
fodder for their mother’s drama.
Did you grow up in a
family like the one you’re raising—a family in which prayer and
celebration of the liturgical year were part of daily life?
I grew up in a
beautiful, faith-filled Catholic family of nine children. My parents
did a fantastic job of imparting to each of us the life-long gift of
faith. We attended public schools — homeschooling was almost
unheard of back then — but Catholicism and daily prayer just
were a natural part of who were as a family. All of us are
adults now and every one of us is practicing the faith. I know that
is no small feat and I am humbled by my parents’ sacrifices and
success.
One of the great
delights of Mom to Mom is its frank admission that no mother is
perfect, that every mother at some point or other will lose her
temper, yell, or make mistakes. You are refreshingly frank about your
own failings, and inspiringly upbeat about the importance of taking a
breath and moving on. Do you ever feel overwhelmed? Whom do you turn
to for encouragement?
I am not Super Woman
and I most certainly do feel overwhelmed sometimes. I wouldn’t
be human if I didn’t. My husband is a wonderful man, but he is
a man, and as such he has little tolerance for emotional venting. But
that’s what God made sisters and girlfriends for. I am blessed
to have a fabulous mother, three supportive sisters, and a healthy
circle of real life and online friends that I can turn to for
encouragement and support. These are the people that help me keep
things in perspective — they are the ones that convince me I
should take that breath and move on. Truly, no mom is an
island.
Mom to Mom, Day to Day is published by Pauline Books.
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Have fun, but take...
The perfect questions for all us inquiring minds, and some really great answers.
Posted on May 31st, 2007 at 5:37 amDanielle Bean says:
My name is Danielle Bean,to.I also like to write.
Posted on February 15th, 2008 at 9:21 amDanielle Bean says:
I don’t know much about this danielle bean, but I do know about me.My name is Danielle Bean.I’m 13,I go to school in Nanih Waiya,Ms.I’m in grade 7 and I write songs,poetry,and short stories.I’m not Catholic.
Posted on February 21st, 2008 at 9:26 am