Melissa Wiley » Funny http://melissawiley.com Children's Book Author Thu, 11 Mar 2010 01:32:42 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.1 en hourly 1 Heads of the Class http://melissawiley.com/blog/2009/09/02/heads-of-the-class/ http://melissawiley.com/blog/2009/09/02/heads-of-the-class/#comments Wed, 02 Sep 2009 20:36:52 +0000 Melissa Wiley http://melissawiley.com/?p=5129 I shared this story in the comments on Sarah’s lovely blog…it’s so funny I can’t resist telling it here too. Several years ago, when we lived in Virginia and my oldest child was about 8 or 9, I took the kids to a living history museum (the ten-awesome Frontier Culture Museum in Staunton, VA, which you do NOT want to miss if you’re in the area). That was the first of many happy visits, and a glorious spring day it was: new lambs for the holding, amiable cottage cat jumping into our stroller, Jemima Puddleduck and friends pit-pat-paddle-patting their way along the dirt paths. My three oldest girls were in heaven. The costumed interpreters were extremely nice, allowing the girls to try a spinning wheel (I was writing Charlotte and Martha in those days, and all we had at home was a drop spindle, so the wheel was a grand treat for my little home-based critique group) and answering their zillions of questions.

As we left one of the houses—I think it was the Irish cottage, which thrilled us all with its thatched roof and smoky fire, just like the huts in the Martha books—the interpreter murmured an aside to me as the girls skipped down the path.

“Are they homeschooled?” she asked with a friendly smile.

“Yes!” I replied, delighted, basking in the thought that their eager, intelligent conversation had given them away.

“I thought so,” replied the interpreter. “I could tell from the bonnets.”

Um.

This was the year my girls wore their Little House bonnets everywhere—their own doing, I swear! By then I was so used to seeing them that I hardly even noticed them anymore.

Yeah, I guess that would be kind of a giveaway.

]]> http://melissawiley.com/blog/2009/09/02/heads-of-the-class/feed/ 6 Just Because You Know “Thanks” in Two Languages Doesn’t Mean You’ll Use It http://melissawiley.com/blog/2007/09/17/just-because-you-know-thanks-in-two-languages-doesnt-mean-youll-use-it/ http://melissawiley.com/blog/2007/09/17/just-because-you-know-thanks-in-two-languages-doesnt-mean-youll-use-it/#comments Mon, 17 Sep 2007 17:52:53 +0000 Melissa Wiley http://72.29.64.190/~mwiley/blog/2007/09/17/just-because-you-know-thanks-in-two-languages-doesnt-mean-youll-use-it/ Rilla is playing with the toy phone. Wonderboy wants it.

WB: I have pone?

Rilla: Nuh.

WB: Gib pone!

Rilla: Nuh. NUH!!

WB (offers remote control in exchange): You hab?

Rilla: Nuh.

A brief silence. Wonderboy is deflated. Then, for no visible reason, Rilla holds out the phone to her brother.

Mom, coaching Wonderboy: That was so nice! She gave you the phone. What do you say?

Wonderboy: Dat MY pone.

]]> http://melissawiley.com/blog/2007/09/17/just-because-you-know-thanks-in-two-languages-doesnt-mean-youll-use-it/feed/ 9 The Question Speaks Volumes http://melissawiley.com/blog/2007/02/15/the-question-speaks-volumes/ http://melissawiley.com/blog/2007/02/15/the-question-speaks-volumes/#comments Thu, 15 Feb 2007 12:56:19 +0000 Melissa Wiley http://72.29.64.190/~mwiley/blog/2007/02/15/the-question-speaks-volumes/ "Honey, do we have an iron?"

]]> http://melissawiley.com/blog/2007/02/15/the-question-speaks-volumes/feed/ 7 Best Silly Kid Arguments http://melissawiley.com/blog/2007/02/01/best-silly-kid-arguments/ http://melissawiley.com/blog/2007/02/01/best-silly-kid-arguments/#comments Thu, 01 Feb 2007 12:16:40 +0000 Melissa Wiley http://72.29.64.190/~mwiley/blog/2007/02/01/best-silly-kid-arguments/ Okay, I stand really, REALLY corrected. Have you been following the comments about dryer lint? Turns out this stuff is gold! Besides clay, you can turn it into paper, firestarters, stuffing, a source of income, and even art. (I love the little lint angels.)

My poor deprived children. No wonder they had to fight over it! Ha.

I also greatly enjoyed your stories about stupid kid fights that have taken place under your roof. The brothers fighting over who got to wear the garbage can on his head is a classic!

Anyone else got a Kids Fight Over the Most Ridiculous Things story? Send ‘em my way!

]]> http://melissawiley.com/blog/2007/02/01/best-silly-kid-arguments/feed/ 12 And Here I’d Been Worried the Orca Was in Danger http://melissawiley.com/blog/2006/10/24/and-here-id-been-worried-the-orca-was-in-danger/ http://melissawiley.com/blog/2006/10/24/and-here-id-been-worried-the-orca-was-in-danger/#comments Wed, 25 Oct 2006 04:16:05 +0000 Melissa Wiley http://72.29.64.190/~mwiley/blog/2006/10/24/and-here-id-been-worried-the-orca-was-in-danger/ Today’s unpacking marathon revealed treasure in the middle of one box: the small plastic shark and orca that Beanie and Rose love as dearly as if they were made of a precious material like, say, chocolate.

Of course this meant they had to take a bath RIGHT AWAY OH PLEEEEASE MOMMY. Since we’d spent an hour in the middle of the afternoon at a local park, where there was actual SAND on the ground instead of that spongy recycled tire product used on our favorite playground in Virginia, I enthusiastically supported the bath idea.

So there I was washing grit out of Beanie’s curls while her shark made shark-like lunges at Rose’s orca. Beanie was singing, and it took me a minute to realize I was hearing one of Scott’s favorite Beatles melodies.

"What did you just sing?" I asked Bean.

"It wasn’t me," she said. "It was my shark."

"Oh. Right. Could he sing it again?"

"He’d be delighted to!" When you’re Beanie, even sharks are obliging. She lunged him at the orca again, singing louder.

"I wanna hold your fi-i-iiin, I wanna hold your fin!"

]]> http://melissawiley.com/blog/2006/10/24/and-here-id-been-worried-the-orca-was-in-danger/feed/ 2 The Best-Laid Plans of Mice and Moms http://melissawiley.com/blog/2006/08/16/the-best-laid-plans-of-mice-and-moms/ http://melissawiley.com/blog/2006/08/16/the-best-laid-plans-of-mice-and-moms/#comments Wed, 16 Aug 2006 12:22:51 +0000 Melissa Wiley http://72.29.64.190/~mwiley/blog/2006/08/16/the-best-laid-plans-of-mice-and-moms/ Last Saturday night: The girls wanted to watch the meteor shower. Sure, why not? I agreed to set the alarm for 2 a.m., which was when the viewing was supposed to be best.

We woke up the next morning at 6. What happened??, they wanted to know.

Me: "I have no idea. You SAW me set the alarm. I’m so sorry, girls, I must have done something wrong."

Such as (it turns out): Set the alarm for 2 a.m. WEDNESDAY. As in last night. This morning. Whatever. Don’t ask me how I managed that. My brain can’t formulate a response on this little sleep.

UPDATE: Bummer. According to Chris at Notes from the Trenches, we missed something priceless.

]]> http://melissawiley.com/blog/2006/08/16/the-best-laid-plans-of-mice-and-moms/feed/ 2 Overheard http://melissawiley.com/blog/2006/06/16/overheard-3/ http://melissawiley.com/blog/2006/06/16/overheard-3/#comments Fri, 16 Jun 2006 19:08:00 +0000 Melissa Wiley http://72.29.64.190/~mwiley/blog/2006/06/16/overheard-3/ “I did NOT hit you! I threw something at you and IT hit you!”

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