(I must interrupt my own self to tell one of my MOST FAVORITE KID STORIES EVER. Rose was around three years old, and something, I no longer remember what, had disgruntled her. “Hmph,” she remarked to the general public. No one responded. This was not to be borne. In a loud and steely tone she asserted: “ME SAY HMPH!!”)
Okay. Doctors. That office I talked to last week never called me back. I gave them a week, then called a second time. It was like starting over: got a different person on the phone, had to explain the whole thing again, kid is going to need ear molds in a month or two, audiologist has two-month wait for new appointments, won’t schedule appt without scrip from doctor. New Voice said the same thing last week’s Voice said: “I’ll have a nurse call you back.”
Okey-doke. Time to try someone else. I go to our PPO’s website and pull up the list of local docs in the network. Big city, long list! I arrange it by proximity to our house and start dialing my way down the list. The following transcripts are not made up. After the second call, I started taking notes.
Medical office number one: Automated message. “You have reached the office of Dr. So-and-So. Our regular office hours are 8:30 a.m. to 5 p.m., Monday through Friday. If this is an emergency, please hang up and dial 911. Beeep!”
Check the clock: it’s 11:20 a.m.
Medical office number two: Recorded message. “If you need to reach a priest, press 1.”
Huh? Hang up, check number, dial again.
“If you need to reach a priest, press 1.”
All righty then.
Medical office number three: “Beep, boop, beeep! We’re sorry, you have reached a number that has been disconnected or is no longer in service. If you think you have reached this number in error, please hang up and try again.”
Hang up, check number, dial again.
“Beep, boop, beeep! We’re sorry…”
Mutter, mutter, grumble.
If this keeps up, I WILL need to call a priest. To make an appointment for Confession. These rassafrassin doctors’ offices are generating some mighty uncharitable thoughts.
Medical office number four: “You have reached the offices of the Thus-and-such Medical Group. Our office is closed for lunch between twelve and one p.m. Please do not leave a message on the voice mail. If this is a life- or limb-threatening emergency, please hang up the phone and dial 911.”
Me say hmph.